Waiting

Back from what I again hope will be my last mission, I had a nice afternoon doing PT, looking at the sunset between sets of push ups and pull ups and watching the progression of the reds and oranges on the snow covered peaks to the south. It was cold. After an hour my hands were numb and lifeless.

This last mission was a short notice response to a request by the commander of some guys who have been plagued by a streak of run-ins with IEDs. The Army regulations allow for fairly intrusive interventions by commanders (using assets like me) when they have identified significant stressors for certain groups of Soldiers. The name of game is prevention: keeping guys talking about stressors and helping each other cope. Usually I do this in small group debriefs-- nothing touchy-feely-- I take a pragmatic approach with common sense questions and feedback. Response is usually positive or neutral.

I search for meaning here, because so much of my time is spent doing nothing, waiting, occupying myself. I have been astonished by how much of war is characterized by waiting. Soldiers are really good at waiting and I have gotten really good at it too. My missions are characterized by short bursts of work and then long periods of unstructured time. While waiting for clients to drop by at my make-shift office in the camp aid station I watched three seasons of "The Office" over a 72 hour period. The PA who is exiled to that outpost waits too... waits for sick-call patients, hopes that there is no trauma--- again, frenetic activity punctuated by long stretches of waiting. So we waited together, and watched video projected onto a plywood wall.

Now that I'm back and down to a handful of weeks I still wait. As long as there is potential for me to roll out on some unpleasant mission I will have a lingering sense of unease. But at my home base I settle into my routine-- a rigid schedule of workouts, office hours at the clinic, reading and writing. The days are slow but steady.