I just got back from another mission and I am now at my FOB, hopefully for a few weeks at least. I have now visited every FOB and combat outpost in my area of responsibility.
I am going to take a temporary break from blogging, until I sort some things out in my head. I'm going to keep writing, just not publish for a while, maybe a week, maybe more, maybe less.
I am walking a thin line between sharing information and descriptions that need to be shared and also sharing too much of myself right as this all happens. It really comes down to the fact that I can't write about what I am experiencing without writing about grief and fear and I don't want my family and friends to go on the grief and fear ride with me.
Suddenly this past week it all seemed to get more serious-- maybe it was just a switch that was thrown, maybe it was a combination of seeing shot-up guys, this last mission, being pissed off at the Army. It's not like it wasn't serious before, but I passed through some portal this week.
As I told my NCO, I don't have acute stress disorder or anything. I just had a few nights where I would have quit if I could. I would have dropped all my shit in the dust and walked away, back to my family and I would have never looked back to this place.
But then I woke up in the morning and, since everything looks better in the morning, I realized that I need to keep going.
I don't want people to worry about me because my job is pretty damn safe compared to ther people's jobs, it's just that I am going through my own struggles with my job and its tasks and duties. I'm pretty durable and I just need some time-off from the blog. I'm going to write and see what happens-- post some stuff when I'm ready.
I'm closing down on the halfway mark-- about one month away-- I need to focus on getting to that mark and then re-orient myself to finishing the second half of this.
Thanks for all your support. People have been great and I appreciate hearing from you via email and on the blog. Thank you!
